Please Don't Go
by gothic antagonist
Summary: How would you feel if someone you loved was dying and there was nothing you could do to save them? CHARACTER DEATH


**A/N**- I've felt a recent need to cry as a result of some drama in my life, so I've been listening to every single one of my "depression playlists" and nothing worked...Until I wrote this.

**WARNING:** grab a box of Kleenex or Puffs~

*Lyrics are to "Permanent" by David Cook **:)** (This song, if you know what it's truly about, _will_ make you cry. Just so you know. If you're curious, ask me~! I'd love to discuss it with you!!!)

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He remembered the day, the _moment_, he learned of the disease that was threatening his life. He could recall feeling secure for the first time in his 37 years of life, because he knew the end was near. He would finally be at peace again.....

As he laid in his hospital bed, feeling the disease slowly tear him apart from the inside, his hands had begun to shake. A wave of pain rushed over him, as if he had been hit with a Cruciatus Curse. He grunted as he fought back a scream.

Two hands held his left hand, followed by a soft: "It's alright, Severus. It'll be over soon."

He didn't need to open his eyes to know who it was beside him. He recognized that broken voice. He couldn't say anything to the man, however, because an even worse wave came crashing down on him. This time, he couldn't hold back his scream, or the tears that followed.

_Is this the moment where I look you in the eye  
Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry_

When his pain finally subsided, he opened his teary eyes and panted heavily. He had a death grip on the man's hand, his knuckles white from the force.

"You'll beat this, I promise," the crying man said.

"What...are you...doing here?" Severus whispered, fighting with all his being to stay conscious.

"Dumbledore said that you were back in the hospital. He told me you...you weren't doing well."

"I'm fine..."

"Severus, you're dying!"

"Lupin...stop worrying...about me...I'm not going anywhere." He inhaled sharply as he turned his head to look at his visitor.

"Promise?"

"Yeah...." he breathed as he lost consciousness.

_And everything, it will surely change  
Even if I tell you I won't go away today_

When he awoke several days later, the man was still there. He was asleep in a chair beside his bed, his hand still gently holding the dying man's. Severus still couldn't move, so he tried squeezing his friend's hand.

"Lupin," he said softly. "Wake up."

He wondered what Remus must've been feeling, considering he hadn't left his side. Why was that? Remus couldn't possibly care that much about him...could he? Even in his sleep, the poor man looked pained. Could Sev's own deteriorating health be the cause?

_Will you think that you're all alone  
When no one's there to hold your hand?_

He was drifting in and out of consciousness when he finally heard the brown-haired man speak.

"First, Sirius...now you? I don't think so..."

Sev laid completely still, breathing rhythmically as if asleep. He really wanted to know why Remus cared so deeply for him. Hadn't they spent their whole lives bitterly hating each other? So why the sudden change?

"I...don't want you to die...but if you do...at least you won't be alone. I'm here for you, Severus. I won't leave you..."

"Why?" Sev opened his eyes and looked at the man. "Why won't you go? After all I've done to you...all of the terrible things I've said...you should hate me."

"I have never hated you. I've hated our relationship, or lack thereof. Never you. I'm not really sure why, to be honest," he said with a half-hearted smile.

Sev didn't buy it. "You know why. And...I'm grateful...for whatever the reason is."

_When all you know seems so far away  
And everything is temporary  
__Rest your head, _I'm permanent

It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to breathe, and Remus could tell the pain was getting worse as well. He was trying to be strong, but it was so hard when his heart was breaking in his chest.

Suddenly the ill man screamed again. Remus' eyes filled with tears as two nurses told him to leave.

"You'll have to wait outside, dear," one of them said.

"His blood pressure's dropping!" the other shouted as she tried to restrain the thrashing man.

"AHHH!!!" His scream of agony and despair rang through Remus' ears even after he was out of the room. Remus broke into tears as the man in the room continued to scream. He could hear the nurses hurrying about, talking quickly to one another. From what he could make out, it seemed Severus had taken a turn for the worse.

Not only that...he wasn't expected to see the sun rise the following morning.

_I know he's living in hell every single day  
And so I ask: Oh God is there some way for me to take his place?  
And when they say he's so touch and go  
I wish I could make it go away_

"S-Severus?" Remus walked slowly over to the bed, his heart beating quickly. "Are you..."

"I'm awake." The man on the bed spoke, but he sounded nothing like Severus Snape. This man sounded...afraid. "I'm not expected to survive the night...Surely they've told you that."

"I know...but you _will, Sev. You'll beat this damn disease." Remus blinked back tears as he spoke. "You're too stubborn to let it get you."_

"Blind faith," the man said. "Why are you so sure...I'll live?"

"Because I...I don't want to lose you."

"You've never _had me, Lupin." _

"Perhaps that's how you see it. Not me."

"You're a grown man. You don't need _me_."

"You're wrong..." Tears filled his eyes as he held the man's cold hand. He looked resigned, as if he had accepted what the future could hold for the two of them. More specifically...the sudden end of the darker man's life. "I _do_ need you."

_But still you say  
Will you think that you're all alone  
When no one's there to hold your hand?_

"I love you."

Sev blinked. "I'm...flattered, Lupin. But I'm not interested in children, sorry to say."

Remus laughed. "You aren't much older than myself. And that's not what I meant. I mean I love who you are. I love your personality, how you don't want to be recognized for all of the good you do. You're a great man, Snape. I have...always wanted to be like you."

"...Why are you telling me this?"

"I wanted you to know...I would regret it if...if I never told you."

"...If you're looking for me to confess the same, you're setting yourself up for disappointment," he said in his usual sarcastic tone.

Remus smiled. "I know." He paused and then said, "You're getting better."

"Trying to be optimistic again?"

"No. You were sarcastic with me a moment ago, which means you're finally breaking through. You're beating this thing." His smile widened. "You'll live to see another day."

_When all you know seems so far away  
And everything is temporary  
Rest your head, I'm permanent  
I'm permanent_

And he did survive. Early the next morning, he and Remus watched the room slowly come to life. First the walls were painted with orange as the sun peeked over the horizon, chasing the fear and darkness away. They watched as the room was flooded with a warm glow, bringing an undeniable sense of hope along with it: hope that they would soon leave this frightening place and return to the comforting feel of Hogwarts.

The nurse entered a little while later and smiled cheerfully. "Call Dumbledore," one of them said. "He's still alive."

Slowly, the dying man recovered from the effects of his illness. The pain had completely disappeared, as had most of his seizures. He had to undergo weeks of rehabilitation to get himself used to walking again. But he was never alone, because throughout this whole process, Remus was right beside him.

The night before he was to be released, the two were standing on a balcony together, looking up at the moon and the millions of stars.

"We travel back to Hogwarts tomorrow," Remus said cheerfully, his face lighting up with an overwhelmingly joyful kind of happiness as the words he was afraid he would never get the chance to say passed his lips.

"Yes we do...." He rested his shaky hands on the ledge, gripping it tightly as he tried to steady his breathing. "I'll begin teaching again on Monday."

"That's good." Remus stepped closer to Snape. "Maybe you should sit down. You've been moving around a lot today."

"I...don't think it's that." He looked down and tried to inhale, but ended up vomiting over the ledge.

Vomiting...and bleeding.

"Oh no...." Tears stung the friend's eyes. "No...."

"L-Lupin....I...." He lifted his head weakly and looked into Remus' eyes. For a moment time stood still, as if the universe was giving the men one last moment together.

It was the longest moment of Remus Lupin's life.

A second later Severus began to fall. Remus' mind remained paralyzed with fear, but he was able to catch the man. The extra weight made Remus weak at the knees, so he leaned back against the ledge and carefully slid down. He held Sev tightly, afraid of the inevitable.

Snape looked up at the moon, the stars reflecting like tiny lights in his dark eyes, illuminating the once hidden side of his soul. His tortured, broken spirit broke past the wall of isolation and finally revealed itself to Remus.

"I've been...so afraid...to love....." he breathed.

Remus nodded, fighting back his urge to scream, to tell him not to give up. Not to leave him.... A tear rolled off of his cheek and onto Sev's. "I....I know......"

"Remus......"

"Don't....don't say anything. It's okay...."

He moved one of his hands, as if asking for Remus to lower his head. The brown-haired man obliged, wondering what he could want. You can imagine his surprise when a very soft pair of lips covered his own.

Remus could feel the pressure from the tears that were building up inside his head, like a raging river pounding on a dam. He loved this man so very much, and he was slipping through his fingers like sand.......

"I...love you......." the dark man whispered.

Blue eyes met the black pair and, after what felt like an eternity to Remus, the natural, loving light within the dark pair vanished. The stars, still twinkling in the night sky, now reflected his emptiness......

Remus slowly shook his head. "No....You weren't supposed to die.....Damn you, Snape....Why.....Why'd you give up....." His tears poured out of him like raindrops onto the lifeless man. "I love you......I love you so much......"

_Is this the moment where I look you in the eye  
Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry?_

_

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**A/N**- Haha, yeah I was crying while I was _writing_ that....sorry to make you incredibly sad. Heh, you can always yell at me in your review. **:]**

**RIP ADAM COOK T~T  
(June 5, 1971-May 2, 2009)  
YOU WILL BE MISSED!!!! **


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